The person who invented the door knock won the No-bell prize.
I couldn’t work out how to fasten my seat belt. Then it clicked.
Thieves had broken into my house and stolen everything except my soap, shower gel, towels and deodorant. Dirty Fellows.
I can’t believe I got fired from the calendar factory. All I did was take a day off.
To the guy who invented Zero: Thanks for nothing!
Singing in the shower is all fun and games until you get shampoo in your mouth, then it just becomes a soap opera.
Enough with the cripple jokes! I just can’t stand them.
Is google a woman? Because it won’t let you finish your sentence without coming up with other suggestions.
Want to hear a construction joke? I’m working on it
A prisoner’s favourite punctuation mark is the period. It marks the end of his sentence.
I have a few theories about unemployed people. But never mind; none of them work.
Two antennas met on a roof and got married. The wedding was ok, but the reception was incredible.
Where do TVs go on vacation? To remote islands!
Sleeping comes so naturally to me, I could do it with my eyes closed.
A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was, a nurse said ‘No change yet.’
There was an explosion at a pie factory; 3.14 people died.
There was once a cross-eyed teacher. She just couldn’t control her pupils.
I am selling my guitar, no strings attached!!
I usually take steps to avoid elevators.
Someone asked an old man: “Even after 70 years, you still call your wife ‘darling, honey, love.’ What’s the secret?”
Old man: “I forgot her name and I’m scared to ask her.
A lady says to her doctor: “My husband has a habit of talking in his sleep! What should I give him to cure it?”
The doctor replies: “Give him an opportunity to speak when he’s awake.”